"You better tell me what's wrong with you, or this engagement is off, and we are not getting married." My fiancé said in a raspy, wet voice, "I've been coughing all day, and it is hard for me to breathe. I would have come to see you earlier, but, I am too weak to get out of bed. I am sorry." I could not fathom that he had the audacious gall to become sick, when I needed him the most. My rock, my heartbeat, my mother had just lost her battle to breast cancer, and closed her eyes for the last time, and he couldn't muster up enough strength to see about me. "Fine, we are going to the hospital tomorrow, and you better be sick! If not, this relationship is over, and the marriage is off," I said with a voice full of self-pity. The next day, my fiancé was omitted into the critical care unit with pneumonia in both lungs; he was functioning on 25 percent of his lung capacity; knocking at death's door himself. This news infuriated me even the more, driving me further into a pit of resentment, as I watched his EKG machine spit out his heart rate and periodically his blood pressure. How could he do this to me? Doesn't he know that I need him? But now, he needs me to comfort him, while my heart is shattering like a priceless vase that has haphazardly rolled off the table.
On the seventh day, I left his side to attend my mother's memorial service in Southern California. Prior to leaving for the service, I made a brief stop by my local church to receive prayer for my journey back to Los Angeles. I was greeted at the door by a wonderful woman who had just converted to Christianity. Her life story was one filled with trauma, pain and agony. She had struggled for years with substance abuse issues, which had led her down a path of broken relationships, limited career opportunities, and most recently, homelessness. The years of abuse had taken its toll on her physical health as well, but when she saw me enter the doors of the church, she greeted me with a wonderful smile, and a sincere hug. “Mimi, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother, and to hear about your fiancé. I have something for you; a little token to cheer you up. I will be praying for you.” She proceeded to reach into her inexpensive bag, and pulled out a small, pink elephant. “Thank you so much for this token of love. I will never forget it.” Ten years later, I still cherish that pink elephant; it is more precious to me than all my possessions. It reminds me to remain willing to help others, even when I am empty. At the time this wonderful woman gave me this token of love, she was living in a women’s homeless shelter. Life had been cruel to her, but she still found a way to look beyond her pain to be concerned about someone else. She did not wallow in self-pity, but saw her new life in Christ as an opportunity to move forward with new hope for a bright future. That moment made me take a good look in the mirror. Was I being selfish for grieving? Absolutely not. But when I began to put my grief on a pedestal, not caring about the welfare of others, including my fiancé, that’s when I had a problem. When I decided to wallow in self-pity, like a pig in a mud pin, that’s when I moved into a realm which tarnishes the soul and sullies the mind. The pink elephant reminds me to be humble; to be selfless, even when navigating the bumps and bruises of life. It reminds me not to hold people to unnecessary standards that can only be fulfilled by God. Today, the pink elephant sits on my desk at work, nestled next to a picture of my adoring husband, as a constant reminder to give my best, even when it is inconvenient or uncomfortable. So how do we avoid the pit of self-pity? It’s simple. Identify your pink elephant. The pink elephant helps put things into perspective, and shows us that there are others in our world experiencing injustices besides us. The pink elephant is the personification of perseverance: regardless what the day may bring, it is there to bring comfort to others in the midst of personal turmoil, and hope in a hopeless situation. It is a symbol of selflessness: it acknowledges that there is an immediate personal need, but pushes past personal preference to serve another. The pink elephant is that part of the human soul, that part of you, which when you dig deep within yourself, you pull out a gift that touches the heart, and lifts the spirit. Identify your personal pink elephant, and give this inconvenient gift to someone who needs it the most today. Please share, and comment. Thank you.
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AuthorAkon M. Walker, MPA, motivates readers to transform words of inspiration into life application. Archives
June 2019
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