I have an embarrassing story to share that best depicts this point. I travel a lot to Sacramento for my day job, and that drive from my home can be brutal. So I decided to start riding the train-the extreme passenger experience. I would park my car at the station, hop on the train, and arrive in Sacramento in 60 minutes. Well, one day my car was in the shop, so I had to arrange for my husband to drop me off at the station in the morning, and for my co-worker to pick me up at the Suisun station in the afternoon. Everything went well on my journey to Sacramento. On my way back home, I sent a text to my coworker regarding my arrival to the Suisun station, and she responded, "I'm already here waiting for you in the parking lot." I smiled, excited and a bit cocky about how I pulled off a flawless travel arrangement.
We pulled into the Suisun station, and I headed down to the lower level of the cart to off board the train. But to my surprise the train doors did not open. I frantically went upstairs, and then downstairs to the next cart, but those doors didn't open either. I picked up the phone to contact the conductor, but the phone was dead. The next thing I heard over the load speakers was "the doors are now closing." I was in a panic! The train began to pull away from the station, and the next stop was about 20 -30 miles from the Suisun station. In that moment, I had to decide: am I going to be a passenger or am I going to take control of the situation and get off this train? I chose the latter, pulled the emergency brake, bringing the entire train to a screeching halt. The doors opened, and I (along with another passenger) off-boarded the train. The assistant conductor was furious, waving her hands over her head while she berated the passenger who off-boarded with me. I calmly walked over and interrupted their conversation stating: "You said over the loud speakers that the doors are opening on carts 2 and 4. That did not happen, so I pulled the break and got off the train. Thank you." I was shaking but felt at the same time vindicated! I wasn't about to go along for the ride, possibly to somewhere I didn't know. I was taking control, and getting off that train. I had places to go, and people to see. Likewise, when it pertains to life, there are times in which we cannot be idle passengers along for the ride. We should not accept things that shut us down or barricade us from reaching our goals and dreams. Sometimes, we need to pull the emergency brake, stopping the unfruitful and unproductive behaviors that keep us bound to failure and despair. It is time to remember those dreams and promises that you've spoken concerning your life. Hold yourself accountable to them and get off the train. And who knows, someone else maybe waiting in the wings for you take that courageous step, so they can get off that train too! Thoughts???
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Human nature is unpredictable. As well-intentioned a person may be towards you, at some point, he or she will not meet your expectations. If it happened to Jesus Christ, the Son of God, it will definitely happen to you. The same people who cried out “crucify Him” (St. Luke 23:21), were the same people who cried “…Hosanna: blessed is the king of Israel that cometh in the name of the Lord” (St. John 12:13), a week before. Fortunately, the fickle nature of humanity did not dissuade Jesus from reaching His goal to reconcile mankind back to God, and He continued to hang on the rugged, Roman cross for you and me. Jesus had a faith that surpassed the temporal emotional discomfort of betrayal, and the immense physical pain of the crucifixion. He destroyed the power of others who sought His demise, through a single act: forgiveness. Jesus had such an immense faith that He would achieve His ultimate purpose that He was able to forgive not only those who were presently there waiting for His death, but all of humankind for putting Him on the cross. Jesus had a forgiving faith.
A forgiving faith helps you to realize that the actions of others have no bearing on the outcome of your destiny. You must have faith in yourself, and know who you are to move passed the malfeasance and mischief of others to walk out your path to greatness. People will let you down, disappoint you, and in some cases, will outright scheme and plot your demise. Take back the power in those circumstances through forgiveness. A forgiving faith enhances your ability to bounce back from past hurts and pains. Today, let a forgiving faith propel you to the next level and dimension that’s waiting for you beyond the cross. Comments??? "I need to speak to you in my office," are the most dreaded words that any young professional can hear from a new supervisor or boss. The mind begins to race with all types of negative story lines about your performance and work ethic. Ten years ago, I heard my then boss utter these words to me. This was my first full-time with benefits office job after finishing my undergraduate studies at U.C. Berkeley, and I didn't know what to expect. My worse fears became manifest with each word of disappointment that dripped like a runny faucet from my boss' lips. The negative three month evaluation was unexpected, and ripped my ego down to shreds. After the evaluation, I was noticeably distraught, so I was allowed to go home early to think about what was said. I remember coming home with tears running down my cheeks like raindrops on a window pane on a rainy day.
I can honestly say that day was the worst day of my professional career. But from the ashes of my shredded self-image, I emerged stronger, wiser, and more determined than ever. I went home and wrote out a professional plan of improvement, which included changing my wardrobe, creating checklists and other systems for tracking multiple tasks, and building in systems to ensure accountability of my work not only to my supervisor, but to my co-workers as well. I went to work the next day with a whole new perspective; I was determine to master my mistakes, and use the setbacks as stepping stones for me to use to reach the next level. By the six- month evaluation, my supervisor was pleased with my performance, and by the end of the year, she didn't even recognize me! After receiving that favorable evaluation, I took a higher paying job in the government sector, never looking back to return to that type of work ever again. I could have been defeated, and chose to mourn my mistakes, but I chose to shed the "black clothing", and decided to master those mistakes instead. That one decision has led me to where I am today; a successful public administrator who's a true professional, making strives in government work unlike any other. Mistakes are not designed to permanently paralyze you, but to temporarily stun you. Mistakes stop you from heading down a destructive path, and creates a space to reassess and redirect. Mistakes can't be avoided, but mistakes can be mastered; used for your benefit to propel you to your next level. It's your choice. Mourn or master, what will it be today. Your thoughts and comments are welcomed. "Sorry, I am not offering you the position." The words seemed to echo and reverberate deep down into the marrow in my bones. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I was dumbfounded and disappointed. Over the last year, I had been chasing a promotion or new position, and had heard these words said to me repeatedly via in person or by a robotic email. But this last time, stung like a wasp's sting because it came from a mentor and leader of my current organization. She began to explain why, but I literally couldn't hear her words. It seemed that at that very moment of "no", my body completely shut down to avoid causing a "call security" scene. I was the most qualified, she admitted, but she could not extend the offer because "it would be a disservice to you, and does not align with your desired career aspirations and goals." Her comment, although true, did not provide any solace. I was smiling on the outside, but crying on the inside. I felt like a complete failure.
"Instead, I would like to turn your attention to an open position in this unit. It would be a lateral move, but I think it is better aligned with where you want to go." Still, dumbfounded, I uttered "let me discuss it with my spouse, and I will make a decision shortly." I smiled, shook her hand, and proceeded to walk out of her office with my confidence shattered, and the taste of hidden tears running down my throat. I went home that day, and gave myself eight hours to sulk and voice my disappointment about the decision with my husband. But after that, after feeling my emotions, I pulled it together and let her words penetrate for processing. The offer on the table was a chance at a lateral move, not a promotion. After much contemplation and reflection (including a pro/con list, prayer, and research), I decided to apply for the lateral position. I went through the interview process again, and this time, I was offered the position. Since the change of assignment, I have been happier and more productive at work! I am sleeping better, and I am learning new skills that are essential to where I want to be in five years from today. She was right! The lateral move wasn't a dead end, it was the opportunity to reposition for my purpose. Sometimes life requires us to move laterally. I know, we all like to move upward and onward. However, I rather move in a way the realigns me with my purpose than to move in a direction that will be detrimental to my future. It's frustrating, and can feel quite embarrassing, but it is only temporary. So embrace the lateral moves of life. Use it as an opportunity to acquire new skills and to learn more about your purpose. Soon that lateral move will propel you in the right direction! Have you ever been there? I would love to hear from you! I just was reminiscing on my meager beginnings. My family and I didn't have a lot growing up, but what we lacked in the tangible, we made up with creativity and ingenuity. For example, I would clean out an old dish washing soap bottle, and turn it into a handy-dandy water bottle. Sometimes the rabbit ears on the television set wouldn't work, so I would take aluminum foil and shape it into an antenna, connect it to the television, and continue watching my favorite cartoon. Indeed, the items I used were not originally intended for that purpose, but I would test the boundaries to get my desired results. A few times it worked, but most of the time it failed. Years later, I can still taste that leftover dishwashing soap that I just couldn't fully clean out of that makeshift water bottle that one childhood day, yuck!
This story is a bit amusing, but it sheds some light on the notion of purpose. The bottle and the foil had a purpose for its creation. It was me that push passed the parameters of its purpose, and because of my impatient creativity, I suffered the consequences of a soapy mouth. I'm not saying that purpose stifles creativity, it is quite the opposite. Purpose actually helps us not to waste our creative energy, and teaches us how to focus it. Purpose provides parameters. The biblical story of Adam and Eve in Genesis also sheds some light about the parameters of purpose. Adam and Eve were in an eternal state of bliss in the Garden of Eden that was created for them to enjoy by God. This was their purpose: to enjoy their fellowship with God, and to enjoy each other. God placed everything that they would ever need in the garden, and gave them only one parameter as recorded in Genesis 2:17 (ESV) "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die." Unfortunately, Adam and Eve were beguiled by the serpent to venture passed the parameter of their purpose, and ate from the forbidden tree, which left them and mankind with more than a soapy mouth! Mankind lost it's ability to fellowship with God and each other. We lost our purpose temporarily until Jesus Christ reestablished the parameters for our purpose through His sacrificial death on the cross. So, to be purpose driven does not mean to be undisciplined or to fly by the seat of our emotions. It means to be disciplined; to perfect our gifts and talents within parameters to fully optimize our purpose. The danger lurks beyond the boundary, when we attempt to push pass the intended use of our talents to pursue dreams that do not align with our purpose. What are your thoughts? Does purpose have parameters? I would love to hear from you. At the start of every year my mother used to say in a very ominous tone, "I wonder what this year is going to bring." The tone of her voice often changed my outlook on the new year. Was the year going to be filled with turmoil and uncertainty? Would it be a year of constant change and calamity? My child and adolescent brain would spin a mile a second concocting the worse scenarios possible that could occur. This was unfortunate. I knew that my mother wanted to only prepare me to be able to withstand anything life could and would throw my way; however her words often heightened my anxiety, and kept me on constant alert. My fragile body and mind was constantly in a perpetual state of "bracing for impact," and as I entered adulthood, the physical and emotional drain of doing so was beginning to take it's toll.
It was not until I became physically ill with a disease I could not pronounce that I decided that something needed to change. Living a life by figuratively "holding my breath" was killing me. I wanted to breathe, but I didn't know how. I didn't want to have a doom and gloom disposition anymore, but I wanted to expect and anticipate that good things and good people are coming my way everyday, every month, and every year. I needed a transformation. One day, I sat at the edge of my king size bed, and flipped the pages of the Bible to a familiar passage found in Romans, and read Romans 12:2a "And be ye not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." The words resonated deep within my being, and provided me a new frame of reference for life. Transformation begins in the mind. I needed to replace my thoughts with new thoughts, and retrain my brain to expect positive outcomes when uncertainty and ambiguity looms. I replaced my old thoughts with new ones by reading and confessing positive affirmations daily, until it became a part of my character and personality. As I continued to renew my mind, my outlook on life began to transform, and the outcomes I desired became a reality. Likewise, I would like to challenge you to retrain your brain. It's time to relax and to take a breath. Thinking positive doesn't occur overnight, but it is a constant progression, which requires you to feed your brain new ideas through exposure to new words. Resist the urge to conform to the unfruitful words that you may have heard from others concerning your life, and choose to transform daily into the person that you desire to be. Thoughts??? Lately, I've been reflecting over my life, and I just realized that for the most part of my life journey, I was an introvert. I struggled like most teenagers with identity and self-esteem, and often felt awkward and socially out-of-place when interacting with others. I grew up in a city that prided itself in superficiality. Your wardrobe, your mode of transportation (i.e. the bus v. personal vehicle), and your physical appearance were often deemed more important than your actual character and conduct. I was the fourth child in a single parent home, and had limited financial access to the things that my city deemed essential for social acceptance, which in turn fueled my desire to remain under the radar. I often spoke very softly, which I thought was a sign of humility. Often I would even mumble incoherently when voicing my opinion to avoid conflict.
Until one day, my mom caught onto what I was doing. "Speak up and articulate. I cannot understand what you are saying." My mom did not want me to avoid conflict, and to use humility as a façade to cover my true feelings. She wanted me to be confident in conflict and to speak up boldly. Every time I tried to revert back, she would vehemently say, "Speak up and do not mumble. Articulate!" When she would say those words, my insides would just churn like butter, but now, as an adult I appreciate my mother's words. I was only an introvert because I thought less of myself, and as my confidence grew with maturity, I shed those introverted ways, remaining humble but without the mumble. 29 days of 2017 have already passed. I would like to challenge you to speak up this year! Do not use a façade of humility to avoid conflict. Instead, articulate your feelings and thoughts in a tactful manner, and press passed your insecurities. The world needs to hear you, I need to hear you! Your voice matters. Thoughts... Losing weight is the number one New Year's Resolution that many people set for themselves each January. By mid-December the weight loss ads are pouring over the television and the radio. I must admit, I am one of those thousands of Americans who vow to eat better and to drop the additional adipose tissue every year as well. But if I do not change my attitude, viewing my overall health as the most essential thing that I possess versus if I can fit into my favorite pair of college days jeans, I will be looking in the mirror December 2017 once again fantasizing of a smaller waist line. Billy Blanks, the creator of Taebo, said something very profound on one of his workout tapes: "If you love yourself, then you will do it." Meaning, I need to value me for me first, and then, taking care of me, will come naturally. The key to obtaining my goal of weight loss is not to focus on the end goal entirely, but to eliminate my self-imposed impediments through resolve. I need to center myself on what is valuable to me (i.e. my health), to reach my desired outcome (i.e. college day skinny jeans).
Likewise, reaching your goals for 2017 will require resolve to center yourself on the values that you hold in highest regard to neutralize the impacts of self-imposed impediments that sabotage your plans to reaching your desired goals. Close the revloving resolution door by identifying what's important to you, and tenaciously hold on to it. This is the only way you will be able to look in the mirror on December 31, 2017 confidently without any regrets or remorse. Its going to be tough, but end the end, it will be worth it. I would love to hear about your resolutions and your thoughts about this blog. Please comment. Conflict is inevitable. Metaphorically speaking, conflict is a human "right of passage" that is required for anyone who's breathing and experiencing life. If you've been married any length of time, or have been in a relationship with anyone longer than six months, you can attest that conflict is a part of the human existence. I would be a liar if I stated that my husband and I have always seen "eye-to-eye," and that we've been "argument-free" since we said our marriage vows over ten years ago. We are two individuals from varying backgrounds, who decided to become one in our decision making processes, family practices, and actions.
In the earlier years of our marriage, I made the mistake of lying to myself; convincing myself that we could live in harmonious marital bliss, without ever having an argument with each other. Instead of voicing that I was upset or disagreed with my spouse, I would bury my feelings deep into the crevices of my heart. See, growing up, I did not have the best examples of how to express frustration or anger, and I was afraid that I could not adequately convey my anger without damaging our relationship. So, I would just tuck it away. But as I continued to bottle up my anger, it began to bubble to the surface in passive aggressive and sarcastic undertones in my conversations with my spouse. It would spill down my cheeks in tears, and I would cry like a four-year-old who's lost in a department store. And regrettably, I must admit, the anger came out in fits of tantrums, morphing my anger into a tidal wave of rage. The very thing I feared happening in our relationship if I voiced my anger happened. My behavior was damaging our marriage. However, my husband did not give up on us, but instead began to encourage me to tell him when something was upsetting me, even if it was his actions. He then told me "it's okay to be angry. You just need to admit that you are, and then give yourself some space to calm down. Once you're calm, you will be able to think clearer, and articulate what's bothering you." His words liberated me! It was okay to put a voice to my anger. I would not be judged or ridiculed, but instead, I would be heard and loved. As I began to follow his words and example, I became better at voicing anger, which in turn, silenced my rage. Ten years later, we are still together, and our relationship is even stronger today than it has ever been. Many times we bottle up anger and bury it deep down inside because we're afraid to be rejected; that our actions will be considered "unacceptable" and our concerns will not be heard. However, this practice is dangerous, and will cause more damage in the long run. The postponed expression of anger will eventually turn into a deadly rage, destroying everything in its path. So speak up! Admit your angry, its okay! Voicing anger silences rage. Comments??? I remember it like it was yesterday. "So, the transmission is on it's way out. It's going to cost about $4,000 to repair." The Dodge dealership mechanic's words shot through our hearts like a guided arrow, seeking out its target. We relied on our second vehicle heavily as our sole form of transportation to our jobs at that time, which were 30+ miles away from our home. I looked at my husband in the eyes and said, "Well I guess its time to upgrade, and purchase the car of our dreams." On December 12, 2015, we made that leap of faith, and purchased a luxury car with low mileage and that has a history of reliability.
Many of our closest friends were happy for us, and literally celebrated with us in parking lots when they got to see our new car for the first time, but others did not, and questioned our purchase, even to the point of ridicule. "Is this really your car?" "Are you really driving this car to work everyday?" "You think your car is better than the rest of the cars here at work?" These are actual phrases that we heard from peers and colleagues at our places of employment. We became apologetic, and very careful who knew about our new car in fear of being socially isolated and labeled "bourgeoisie black folks." Until one day, I had an epiphany. I did not have to apologize for being successful. My husband and I worked painstakingly through four years of undergraduate school, two years of graduate schools, and endless hours in our careers perfecting our craft to live our lives on our terms. How many hours did we spend together on transit buses and the BART going to and from school and work? How many times did we have to walk or ride our bikes to work, because we didn't have enough money to ride the bus? I did not have to apologize for those moments in time, so why should I apologize now? Likewise, people may resent you unnecessarily because of the level of success you were able to obtain in life. However, this is no reason for you to dim your light to make others feel comfortable. I'm not saying we should become braggers or flaunt our successes to diminish others, nor am I saying that we should live double lives to hide our success to be socially accepted. Find a healthy balance between the two, live your life, and stop apologizing. What are your thoughts? Please comment and share. |
AuthorAkon M. Walker, MPA, motivates readers to transform words of inspiration into life application. Archives
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